Simple Rules Women Don't Know:

1. Nothing says "I love you" like a blowjob in the morning.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put it down.
3. Women wearing rounder bras and low cut blouses, lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
4. Don't make us guess.
5. If you ask us a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. He's never thinking about "The Relationship."
8. Get rid of your cat. No, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.
9. Dogs are better than ANY cat. Period.
10. SUNDAY=SPORTS. It's just like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
11. Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.
12. You have enough clothes.
13. You have enough shoes.
14. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must. But don't expect us to like it.
16. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot, and your dad probably is too.
17. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
18. He won't remember your anniversary, mark it on the calendar.
19. Share the bathroom.
20. Share the closet.
21. Yes and No, are perfectly acceptable answers.
22. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
23. Nothing says "I love you" like a blowjob in the morning.
24. Foreign films are for foreigners.
25. Check your oil.
26. Don't give us 50 rules, when 25 will do.
27. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
28. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in a argument.
29. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
30. If you don't dress like Victoria Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
31. If something we said can be interpreted two different ways, and one way makes you sad or angry. We meant the other way.
32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
33. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
34. You can either ask us to do something, or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
35. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
36. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, neither do we.
37.  When we're turning the steering wheel and the car is starting onto the off ramp, you saying "this is our exit," is not necessary.
38. Nothing says "I love you" like a blowjob in the morning.